dreeeeam, dream, dream, dreeam...

I slept so nicely from 12 am to 7am. I wasn't coughing, sleep soothed my nausea, and the cat was nice enough to not knock things over and wake me up.

I was having this dream that I was in Toronto with my friend, Sarah. It was so nice to see her. Some nice Scottish music was playing, and she had a large picture window that showed the sky. We were making plans to go to a club, and she was telling me that if I went early I could get in for free. On the 17th and 21st of each month you could get in for free if you were between 17 and 21. I wasn't, but somehow it didn't matter. In the dream, I was planning on meeting some tall Canadian that I'd met on my last trip. I was looking through the clouds of cigarette smoke and darkness, and I smiled when I saw him.

Then the dream switched to a waterpark. I was going down waterslide after waterslide. I LOVE WATERSLIDES, so this was very exciting. I think I was there secretly, sliding down before the park was even open. I was just moving fast, and swooshing from side to side. Once the park opened I made a wrong turn on one of the slides (?) and ended up on a part with no water. The lifeguard was yelling at me, "How'd you get there??" I told him I had followed the arrows, but he wasn't convinced. Everyone yelled at me until I got back on the right track. It didn't stop my enjoyment though. God, I love waterslides.

O, reproductive system, you're so silly!

Cramps and Haikus

kicking my pelvis,

and punching my uterus,

why must you hurt me?

tylenol won't help.

a heating pad won't either.

do you have the cure?

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

joe schmo

I am going to see my brother today. It's his 25th birthday. I've only see him once since he was taken into custody, and we were on different sides of a glass wall, talking into telephones. I'm excited to see him in person and to give him a hug. Not being able to see him in person has made it more difficult to deal with the sadness, anger, grief, and worry. I have caught my first cold of the fall. Fucking sucks. My nose is starting to turn pink from blowing it so much. Bunny face. At least my sore throat is clearing up. I always get a sore throat first, and then the other symptoms come later. I haven't let it stop me though. O, no! I had lunch at Thai Bangkok (very enjoyable), walked around Hamtramck (nice weather), brought my plants inside so they won't be killed by the frost (pain in the ass), and ran errands in the suburbs (necessary). A busy day for a sickie. Tomorrow I'll see the little monsters that must've given me this cold. 3, 4, and 5 year olds just don't know how to cover their mouths!


Saturday, October 02, 2004

not so bad

OK, during the day I have been keeping busy with work and what-not, but the nights this week have sucked. I find myself crying in my bed late at night. I just feel like I am not done grieving or dealing with all that has happened with my brother. And I am having a hard time talking to people about it.

Today my spirits were lifted by two of my smart friends. After letting me cry on his shoulder (literally), Ric got me out of the house. We went to Value World on Woodward and then we had lunch at La Shish, and shopped at the Target in Dearborn. I bought 3 pairs of $3 pants at the thrift store, but I resisted the allure of Target (which I have a hard time doing). It was good to just hang out and laugh about stupid stuff. I've missed that.

In the evening I went to a purse party with my roomate. I had no intention of buying a purse, because I don't like most purses that are covered in logos. I did, however, drink a few glasses of Riesling and pigged out on cream puffs, and a sweet, cream cheese mix with crackers. Later my stomach was aching.

Tonight I am going to bed without tears! That's right! I am kicking the sadness fairy in the balls and running like hell.

Besos.